Five word festive film reviews

Suburban Mayhem

IMDB score: 5.6, #wifebanter score: INCESTY

Blow jobs and bad parenting.

F (2010) 

IMDB score: 4.8, #wifebanter score: CRINGEY

Seemingly motiveless hoodies run rampage.

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage 

IMDB score: 7.1, #wifebanter score: SQUAWKY

The bird wasn’t actually crystal.

Trailer Park of Terror 

IMDB score: 5.2, #wifebanter score: JERRY JERRY

Zombie rednecks and pink flamingoes.

Black Christmas (1974) 

IMDB score: 7.1, #wifebanter score: HIPPIE

The original seasonal sorority slasher.

Dance with the Devil (AKA Perdita Durango) 

IMDB score: 6.2, #wifebanter score: MICKEY/MALLORY

Bardem in another terrible wig.

Swimfan 

IMDB score: 4.7, #wifebanter score: STALKY

Fatal Attraction for MTV kids.

Mega Piranha

IMDB score: 2.6, #wifebanter score: SNAPPY

Fish throw themselves at buildings.

Prowl

IMDB score: 4.6, #wifebanter score: SPURTY

Don’t get in strange vans.